To be better prepared for this year’s #GeekDis, a month long discussion on disability representation in pop culture and media, I tried to find and read some fiction books with characters who had depression, anxiety, adhd, or some other kind of experience I could personally relate to. Since everyone has different experiences, it’s hard to make general statements about how good a book like this is, so in this post I will rank these books based on my personal level of relatability, how well they handled difficult topics in general, and how much I subjectively enjoyed the book. Do note that my ratings may be lower because I’m really picky with realistic fiction; I’m more of a fantasy reader.
I must also give the disclaimer that these books cover some pretty heavy topics and may be triggering to some, especially All the Bright Places and Girl on the Line, so proceed with caution if you choose to give them a read.
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5. Girl on the Line by Faith Gardner
Bipolar II Disorder, Suicide Ideation, Dissociation
My rating: 1/5 ★☆☆☆☆
I honestly was quite disappointed in this book. There’s so much potential for meeting readers where they’re at in the beginning stages of their mental health journeys and relating with the confusion, anger, negative self talk, and stigmatized views that the main character, Journey, experiences. However, I don’t think enough explanation or assurance is ever given. Perhaps the author wanted to stick to the authenticity of how many relate to the topic of mental health and mental illness, but I think it can cause more harm than good for the readers who may not know any better—only affirming and contributing to the negative self talk and stigma.
It is these very same stigmatized thoughts that hold the main character back and slow the process of her healing in the book. Again, perhaps this is intentional from the author to connect with her target audience and make a helpful point, but I worry (especially from a book written for teens who are even newer to learning about mental health topics, let alone their own mental health) this book will strengthen the lies and negative views around the topics of Bipolar, suicide, therapy, and the like rather than opening it up for a more beneficial discussion or guiding the reader toward more helpful mindsets or action steps.
The part of the story I related to the most is actually from a character who calls the hotline Journey is volunteering at. She describers her experiences as the following:
I’ve got this switch inside of me…I’m here, I’m living, I’m laughing…and then, bam. The tunnel hits. Everything around me becomes weird. I think, I don’t exist. I’m already dead. None of this is real. The feeling—it swallows everything. Even talking about it right now, I get scared it’s going to happen…It all feels surreal. Like I’m watching a TV show I don’t even care about.”
I’ve struggled with dissociation my entire life, especially derealization. In broad terms, “dissociation” is a disconnect from yourself or the world around you. Many have experienced a mild form of disscociation at some point in their lives, such as “zoning out” or having what feels like an “out of body experience.”
“Derealization” is a form of dissociation that involves feeling disconnected from your surroundings or reality. Whereas “depersonalization” is the form of dissociation that involves feeling disconnected from yourself, your body, and/or your own thoughts.
It can have many causes such as trauma, anxiety, depression, drug use, or even a simple short-term cause of fatigue or stress. I’m still not sure of the exact cause for my own dissociation, but for me it can vary from feeling slightly out of it to having an anxiety attack because of how intensely the world doesn’t feel real to me. I have felt some level of disconnection pretty much every day of my life for as far back as I can remember.
4. Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson
Anxiety, Friendship, Ghosting, Self-Discovery
My rating: 1/5 ★☆☆☆☆
This book is less mental health focused than the other books on this list but I still wanted to include it as the main character goes through both regular anxiety and situational anxiety that I’m sure many have experienced at some point in their lives, especially in the teen years when we’re all trying to learn who we are and where we fit in with others.
The plot of the book is that the main character, Emily Hughes, finds herself suddenly alone one summer when her best friend Sloane and Sloane’s family disappear without a trace. The only clue she has to go off of is a list of 13 adventurous tasks that are far outside of Emily’s comfort zone. The list leads to many unexpected experiences and friendships.
As I said before, I’m not a fan of realistic fiction so I became bored by the middle of the book, but I think I would’ve enjoyed it more as a movie. For those more interested in this genre, it is quite a fun story that many past shy kids can relate to and take inspiration from and the little mystery will keep you wondering and reading.
3. All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven
Bipolar Disorder, Suicide Ideation
My rating: 3/5 ★★★☆☆
The fact is, I was sick, but not in an easily explained flu kind of way. It’s my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in my life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other recognizable disease just to make it simple for me and also for them. Any. thing would be better than the truth: I shut down again. I went blank. One minute I was spinning, and the next minute my mind was dragging itself around in a circle, like an old, arthritic dog trying to lie down. And then I just turned off and went to sleep, but not sleep in the way you do every night. Think a long dark sleep where you don’t dream at all.
2. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia
Social Anxiety, Selective Mutism.
My rating: 4/5 ★★★★☆
Eliza has a secret that no one would guess from her shy demeanor. She is the creator of a super popular webcomic under the username LadyConstellation. At school she meets a kind boy who feels more comfortable writing notes to her than speaking out loud, and they form a special friendship. He has no idea his new best friend is the one behind his all time favorite webcomic!
I relate so much to how Eliza feels confident online (especially anonymously) with a lot of friends and followers, but offline irl she’s incredibly anxious, awkward, and struggles to fit in with others. I often probably come across as more outgoing and bubbly than how I would be if you met me in person. It’s still me but a more comfortable.
There is a small monster in my brain that controls my doubt.
The doubt itself is a stupid thing, without sense or feeling. blind and straining at the end of a long chain. The monster, though, is smart. Its always watching, and when I am completer sure of myself, it unchains the doubt and lets it run wild. Even when I know it’s coming, I can’t stop it.
I start to say no, then stop myself. I have to try. I have to try, because I’m doing it again- I’m shutting everything out because I’m frustrated and tired and because the real world is difficult and r°d rather live in one of my own making, But I can’t. I am here, and I have to try.
As an artist and creator, I also relate to the specific doubts and anxieties she faces as she feels the pressure to create good pieces.
I sit at my desk with a sheet of blank paper and my pencil. The pencil is next to the paper, aligned parallel with the short bottom edge. I stare at the pencil. The pencil stares back.
A few chapters. The end. I don’t know the details, but I have a vague idea of what’s going to happen. It can’t be that hard.
Blank pages are supposed to be an invitation. A challenge, even. Here is your canvas how creative can you be? What limits can you stretch to bring to life that creature in your head? A blank piece of paper is infinite possibilities.
Now when I look at it, all I see is an abyss. Where ideas and excitement used to spring up inside me, now there’s a granite block Huge, immovable, and so cold it makes my limbs go numb.
“But it’s my fault. I should be able to finish even if I don’t feel like it.”
” understand that may not be your first choice of action, and certainly it may not seem like the kindest, but is it more important that you work despite the block, or should you take the time to rest?”
“Shouldn’t you be the one telling me that?”
“I think in this case it’s more important that you decide for yourself. This issue your anxiety may not be a quick fix. I can prescribe medicine for it, but it’s vital that you learn how to identify it when it feels like you’re being overwhelmed, and to know when you can push through it and when you need to step away.”
Creating art is a lonely task, which is why we introverts revel in it, but when we have fans looming over us, it becomes loneliness of a different sort. We become caged animals watched by zoo-goers, expected to perform lest the crowd grow bored or angry. It’s not always bad.
Sometimes we do well, and the cage feels more like a pedestal.
1. Tilly in Technicolor by Mazey Eddings
ADHD, Autism
My rating: 5/5 ★★★★★
I applied and was accepted to get an Advanced Readers Copy of this book as an eBook from NetGalley. It comes out on August 15th, 2023.
As a woman with ADHD, I have never felt so seen in a book! We need more accurate, understanding, and loving books like this one with neurodiverse main characters. I wish I had this when I was a teen. Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed, confused, and broken. I’m elated at the thought of this book helping or even saving teens with ADHD and autism who feel as alone and different as I did. The author, Mazey Eddings, handles these characters so well, drawing from her own personal experiences. I’m not normally into realistic fiction, but this quickly became one of my new favorite books! You can bet I immediately pre-ordered a physical copy! I can tell this story will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Though the main character, Tilly, is more extraverted than I am, I still saw SO much of myself in her. The way she describes her ADHD experiences literally had me in tears at times because of how much I related and didn’t know I needed to see reflected back at me. I know many fellow ADHDers will relate to how Tilly feels she has to mask so she’s not “too much” for others and to “fit in”, while longing to just be herself and be met with love and acceptance. Tilly is also a writer, like me, with a fear of putting her thoughts out there. I deeply resonated with the way she talks about these issues in her head (including the ADHD rambles lol).
I don’t personally have autism like the other main character, Ollie, who is a Brit with a brilliant artistic eye. But I loved being immersed into his thought processes and way of seeing the world. It even helped me to better understand a close friend of mine (who also happens to be autistic, an artist, and a Londoner! What are the chances!?). It’s so beautiful to see Tilly and Ollie navigating each other’s differences and discovering bonding similarities. Of course with many bumps and misunderstandings along the way!
Like I said, I’m not usually into realistic fiction; I’m more of a fantasy gal. But this book kept me engaged the entire time! I want more of Tilly and Ollie! No, I NEED it!!!
This book has: Great and natural ADHD, autism, and LGBTQ+ representation. Hot artsy British guy. World traveling (anyone else LOVE England??). Photography. Blogging. Small business. Sisters. Critical and controlling parents. Young adulthood, growing up, self acceptance, and finding your place in the world.
BONUS: Comics
Heart and Brain: Onward to Good Things! by Nick Seluk
Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life
I’ve been a big fan of Nick Seluk’s Heart and Brain comics for a while now and this book fully delivered his usual wit, wisdom, and charm. I found myself laughing out loud because of how relatable his comics are. He captures the awkward, authentic, and endearing qualities of being human so well. I also love the personal notes he shares at the beginning of each chapter, connecting even deeper and more vulnerably with the audience.
This book is the perfect balance of sad reality, hilarious relatability, and inspirational hope.
Big Mushy Happy Lump by Sarah Anderson
Social Anxiety, Depression, Every day life
COMMENT BELOW
I’d love to hear about your favorite books that covered mental health, mental illness, or neurodivergent related topics well AND your least favorites.
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