This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.

In one year’s time she was way farther along than I am. I must not be good enough. All of these people are so much better at this than I am. I must not be growing as much as I should and could. I feel like such a failure. maybe I’m not meant to do this. I thought I had the skill, but I guess I don’t.

Have you ever looked at the progress others have made, especially those who started at the same time as you, and felt really discouraged because they have grown so much faster than you have?

It’s a common misconception that we must determine our own personal growth by the personal growth of others.

But here’s the truth:

Personal growth is PERSONAL.

It is important to have points of reference so you can be realistic in your abilities and goals; however, people are too vastly different to set a single person’s life and story as the standard.

Different life experiences, environments, natural ability, hard work, and a variety of other factors all have a part to play.

For example, in high school I used to be discouraged when some of my friends passed me up in skill level and now exceeded me by a lot. However, when I looked at the facts, I realized I had been comparing myself in an irrational way.

The friends who were so much better than me were totally focused on their one instrument. It’s almost all they ever did. Marching band, pep band, extra practices. It seemed they were always at practice.

I, on the other hand, didn’t have time for all of that because my priorities were different. I became good at a multitude of skills rather than amazing at just one thing.

I’m not sure which I would rather be: amazing at one thing or decent at many things. I think they are both good options. It just depends on the person.

The two of us had two different situations, so it was silly of me to try to compare my skill with the skill of someone else who had made that one skill their entire focus.

Do you have a similar experience?

Perhaps you and a friend started working out together, but your friend is growing much stronger than you. Are you just weak? No! Not necessarily. Perhaps your friend played a sport back in high school and you never did. So though you’re both “just starting” together now, perhaps her muscles weren’t actually at the same starting place as yours.

The things a parent may have taught a child, the activities with siblings, the classes taken, the life experiences, and a variety of other factors all affect a person’s current skill level, knowledge, and ability to learn a certain skill.

There are also biological factors. Someone who has an illness may not be able to grow as fast as her friend, but that doesn’t mean her growth is any less significant (read the post “I have to see results to count it as improvement.”). She may be doing wonderful for her.

Let me emphasize that again: FOR HER!

Remember what I said before? Personal growth is personal; therefore, by definition, personal growth cannot be compared to someone else’s personal growth.

Time to give up.

There are times that you should give up. Despite what your momma may have told you, you can’t do EVERYTHING you put your mind to. You have a certain set of strengths and weaknesses that are unique to you. There are some things you’ll never be good at. I’m sorry. For me, that’s geometry and impromptu speeches.

But there are so many things, I think it’s even safe to say the majority of things, that you can grow in. Maybe not be the best ever in, but you can at least grow in the majority of skills you desire to pursue and put time and effort into.

So don’t be so quick to give up.

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Action Steps

Remember. Refocus.

Remember: Personal growth is PERSONAL. You can’t compare yourself to someone else and expect it to be a fair comparison. You’ll only be left feeling discouraged. As my high school teacher would say, it’s like “comparing apples and chain saws.”

Have you compared yourself to anyone this week? Have you focused any of your attention off of your task and onto the accomplishments of someone else?

Recognize. Reward.

Once you remember and refocus, applaud yourself for any growth you see in yourself. Acknowledge your growth and truly recognize it for what it is. You could even reward yourself when you reach certain goals or milestones. This will help you to recognize that you are growing, even if it may be different from others.

Remember that your story is your story. It won’t look exactly like anyone else’s because it’s your story.

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What are 3 words you want to describe your story? Comment below.