This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.
Weak people will always be weak. Jerks will always be jerks. I will always have a bad temper. It’s my nature, so I might as well just accept it.
Have you ever thought a similar lie? Have you ever been hurt by someone who said they couldn’t help it, it’s just who they are?
I’m here to tell you today that there is a difference between permanent personality and the character traits that can grow and regress.
I am not here to tell you where that line is drawn all the time because, honestly, I don’t know. But what I do know is that character can change.
That’s why we have a term called “character building.” That’s why the best movies have a good “character development.” Character can change.
The excuse
I’m sick and tired of people using excuses like “I’m just an honest person” to get away with insulting others or saying “it’s just who I am” as an excuse for being a selfish, unlikable person.
There is no excuse for bad behavior.
Let me say that again…
There is NO excuse for bad behavior!
We all have certain weaknesses and temptations, but just because something is a struggle does not mean we should just give ourselves over to it. If everyone did that, the world would be in chaos! Even more than it is already.
You have a CHOICE!
You may have certain weaknesses and tendencies–you still have a choice!
You may have had a bad home life–you still have a choice!
You may have “always been this way”–you still have a choice!
You may have gone through horrible life situations–you still have a choice!
You may have been raised to be the way you are–you still have a choice!
You may not be able to change your past, but you always have a choice for your today and your tomorrow.
A quick note on “changing others”
I’m sorry, but you can’t choose for someone else. You can’t change them. You can be a help and a positive influence, but they will never change unless if they truly want to change.
You can, however, choose to be the best person you can be.
Action Steps
Set boundaries.
If someone hurts you and excuses it by saying something like “it’s just who I am,” don’t give into that! Set boundaries with consequences you can follow through with. Even if they believe it’s “just who they are” does not mean you should just let them walk all over you!
No excuses.
If you feel yourself starting to form an excuse for a character flaw or mistake, stop and tell yourself “I have a choice.”
Small change.
Think of 1 small area you can put focus into working on this week. Just 1 area. Start small. For example, have you ever said “I’m just being honest” to get away with insulting someone? Work on growing in that area. Check your heart and stop to think before speaking. Remember that you have a choice.
You can’t change other people’s character for them, but you do have control of your own character.
What can you do this week to make a step toward change? Or what boundaries do you need to set up to guard yourself against people who are in denial about their bad character?
Love this, I took steps a long time ago to keep some distance from people who make excuses for bad behavior. I am still trying to change some things with myself. I am taking it a step at time.
I love your comment, Iman! You took the steps with others AND you took the steps for yourself, while also recognizing that it’s a process. It’s hard (and unwise) to take any kind of steps with others until we at least start working on ourselves first.
Your words show great humility and maturity, Iman 🙂 Thank you for sharing that!