Over the past few weeks we’ve been in a series called “Reflections of a College Valedictorian” where I’ve shared some lessons from my experience that I hope will place other students farther ahead of the game and keep them from making some of the same mistakes I did. If you’d like to read any of the previous posts in the series, click the links below:
1. Saying Goodbye Means Saying Hello
2. High School Popularity is All But Forgotten
Today I’m going to share some thoughts on what it truly means to “do your best” and how growth is greater than grades–a lesson that I learned almost a little too late.
This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.
I am a recovering perfectionist.
My personality type combined with how my parents raised me makes for a beautiful strength and a devastating weakness. I strive to do my best in all that I do, which naturally helped me become valedictorian…but it also damaged my immune system and exhausted my brain because I worked too hard. I rarely took enough breaks and I paid the price for it. Fortunately my hard work didn’t go unrewarded this time–I became the top of my class. But if I could do it all over again, I would do at least a few things differently.
One day in college I had a conversation with my fiancé that totally reshaped my way of thinking. It was one of those big epiphany moments that left me thinking “why have I never realized this before? DUH!”
My fiancé, Anthony, never seemed to stress about school as much as me. He did his work and got good grades, but he cared more about learning than getting perfect grades. He reminded me that we are at school for an education. We are there to learn. Therefore, growth and learning should be more important than grades.
Whenever Anthony had an assignment, he would take his time and try to get the most out of it as he could. I, on the other hand, though I would’ve very much liked to focus on the lesson as well, I got more wrapped up on doing what had to be done to get all A’s. When the time came of having more schoolwork than I literally had time to complete, I stressed out because I thought my purpose in school was to do my best and I falsely believed getting perfect grades on everything was the only evidence for doing my best.
My brother previously helped me realize a valuable lesson that there’s a difference between doing your best and doing your best WITH THE TIME YOU HAVE.
The first way of thinking creates a perfectionist perspective. I thought in order to “do my best” I had to give what I knew to be my best effort to every single homework assignment. But when I literally didn’t have enough hours in the week to give everything “my best”, I felt like a failure. I felt like I just wasn’t good enough. That somehow I needed to try harder.
However, the second way of thinking creates a realistic realization. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to do it all. Why beat yourself up over something you have no control over? All that we should strive for is to do our best with the time we’ve been given. That is still giving our best. That is doing all we can do.
When I was stuck in the first way of thinking (my false sense of “doing my best”), of course there was no time to really let the lessons I was learning to soak in. I could hardly keep up with what was expected of me! But once I began to think more realistically (knowing that all I could do is do my best with the time I have), I could finally give myself some grace, which then brought me peace.
Unfortunately, I did not take it a step farther until that conversation I mentioned earlier with Anthony. I still focused more on my grades rather than my growth. Now don’t get me wrong, I grew SO much during my time at college. But I think I could have learned and retained so much more if I had at least eased up a little on my hyper-focus on grades.
I don’t want you to make that same mistake.
I also don’t want you to go too far in the other direction–not caring enough about grades. Grades are important. They can sometimes help you get scholarships or a job. It also helps some to stay motivated to actively learn and grow.
My bottom line is:
- Always do your best with the time you’ve been given. Give it your all, but don’t forget to give yourself grace. Don’t set too low of standards for yourself nor too high of standards for yourself. Think realistically.
- Remember that growth is greater than grades. I know grades are too often the focal point, but remember the true purpose of school: TO LEARN. To get an education. To become a better person.
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