Remember when you were 8 and 16 year olds were like your idols? They seemed so much older and cooler…But then when you reached 16, it wasn’t quite as magical as you always dreamed it to be? You could probably say that for any age, right?

For me, 22 seemed so old! They’re the top dogs of college–the seniors! They have it all together. They know what career path they’re taking, what they’re doing after graduation, and some of them were already spouses or parents! That must mean they completely know what they’re doing.

Well here I am at 22…and I’m not feeling it! I don’t know what my next steps are…I don’t feel completely sure about how to “adult”…I don’t know what will happen after college. I thought I’d feel so old and together by now…but I don’t. I just don’t. I don’t feel the way I imagined 22 years old to feel like. I’m NOT feeling 22.

This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.

Idealized Beliefs

The truth is, most of us have an idealized belief about what each age is like. So when we reach that age and it’s not like what we expected it to be, we assume something is wrong with us. “Shouldn’t I be ______ by now?”

But in reality, most of the time it is actually our beliefs that were wrong.

Talk to anyone who was once your age about how they felt at your age. I’m sure you’ll be surprised. I’ve talked to many 22+ year olds and almost every one, if not all, described 22 as an equally confusing time as it is for me.

4 things you can do when you’re not meeting the expectations you had for your age

1. Evaluate.

Take a look back. Did you take any “wrong roads” in your path of growth? Is there anything you wish you would have done differently? Is there anything you, realistically, could have done differently? What can you do now to stay on track?

2. Compare.

Usually I’m telling you “don’t compare yourself to others,” but this is one of those times when it is actually helpful. Do NOT compare yourself to the filtered and polished Facebook and Instagram versions of people your age! Nor by any outward appearances. (That’s probably how we got our false ideals in the first place!)

But get real with people. When trying to get an honest answer from someone your own age about a potentially embarrassing subject, be honest FIRST. For example, say something like “are you feeling just as overwhelmed as I am?” or “I’m feeling quite lost and confused. I thought I’d have figured this all out by now.” People are more likely to get real with you if you’re real first. They probably will even be quick to answer out of relief that they are not the only one!

3. Don’t be discouraged if you’re not idealistically where you thought you’d be by this age.

Hey! Every single second you’re older than you’ve ever been before! (Look at you, beating your own record 86,400 times every day! 😉 ) So every moment, in a way, is uncharted territory for you. Give yourself some grace!

And like we discussed before, our ideals can be wrong! Just try to think back as far as you can to a time when you were a child looking up to someone who felt so much older than you. Were they actually that old? Golly, I probably had teachers who were not much older than me! But they seemed so much older and wiser.

Our ideals can be wrong. And that’s ok.

4. Set goals.

Are there specific things you thought you’d have or be able to do by this age? Set some realistic goals you can work toward this year. If any of them are things you can’t control, there’s probably still some way you can prepare and better yourself for it, but don’t waste one second worrying if it’s something you can’t change.

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My friend, you are beautiful. You have unique skills. You add value to this world. And [insert your age] never looked so good!

When you were younger, what were some false ideals you envisioned for the age you are now? Comment below.