Valentine’s Day is coming soon! How do you feel about that? Did your heart flutter in joy, sink in sadness, or burn with anger? It can be especially hard to be single on Valentine’s Day and that’s why I wanted to write this post.

I want to preface this by saying that I do happen to have a valentine this year, but this is only the 2nd time in my 22 years of life to ever have a legit valentine (other than my daddy). So this is only my 2nd time ever not being single on Valentine’s Day. But frankly, it never really bothered me much. I want to share some of those things that helped me to be content in my singleness on Valentine’s Day, plus some added advice.

This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.

1. Put yourself in their shoes

When you’re feeling bitter by seeing all of your friends having a jolly ol’ time with their valentines, remember to put yourself in their shoes. Be happy for them. A good friend rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those who mourn. It’s totally normal to feel jealousy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be supportive while you work through your own feelings.

Also keep in mind that your friends aren’t intentionally trying to “rub it in your face.” They’d probably feel terrible to know if they’ve caused you any kind of pain. Wouldn’t you feel the same if you were in their shoes? Honestly, that’s why I’m careful with who I show PDA in front of because I don’t want to cause any unnecessary hurt (even though it’s not my job to please people).

So don’t sabotage anyone else’s joy out of jealousy. Be encouraging and supportive when they’re around. If you can’t handle that, then just don’t be around them for that one day.

2. You don’t need a valentine to be happy!

Like I said, I did just fine never having a valentine. I not only was content on Valentine’s Day, but I actually enjoyed Valentine’s Day. To me it was never only about showing love to a boyfriend/spouse/etc, it was just about showing love. Which brings me to my next point…

3. You can celebrate love without having to be “in love”

Love goes far beyond a lover. At least it should! Do you have family in the picture? Friends? Then you have a reason to celebrate! Even if none of them are able to be present with you on that day. Do you remember Valentine’s Day in the elementary school days? I miss that! You didn’t just receive 1 valentine; you got a whole decorated baggy/box full of valentines! Often coming with candy and other goodies! Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about that 1 person (or lack of THE ONE person).

Think of fun, creative ways you can make others feel loved and appreciated. I don’t know about you, but I forget about myself and am filled with joy when I am encouraging and loving on others. It feels good to make someone’s day.

Also, view Valentine’s Day as another reason to celebrate! I understand the argument about commercialism, but, hey, I just like a good reason to party and eat candy and treat myself! When Valentine’s Day comes along, even when I was single, I was still high off of Christmas spirit and just wanted to run out and hug everyone! But just like the “bah humbug”ers who frowned at me when I played Christmas music before Thanksgiving, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to tell a friend “I love you” or say anything remotely related to Valentine’s Day before I get a puppy-murdering speech on why this day is of Cupid’s evil twin, “Stupid.”

You can celebrate love without having to be “in love.” If you really can’t find it in you to celebrate, I understand, but at least…

4. Don’t dwell on the negative

And especially don’t bring others down with you! Perhaps some are united by celebrating “Singles Awareness Day” together in some kind of defiant and true contentment in singleness (and if it’s done in the right heart, then power to ya!)…but whenever I saw the depressing, victimized, “pity me” posts when I was single, it just made me feel worse! Yes, let’s just keep drawing attention to everyone, even those who it truly is a struggle, for their lack of love life. I feel like it’s the equivalent of waving a fresh, yummy smelling doughnut in front of my face on National Doughnut Day and, instead of saying “Happy National Doughnut Day”, saying “Happy You Can’t Eat Gluten Day!” (in all honesty, I think that would make me cry more than being single! Sorry hon…)

There’s an empowering and encouraging way to go about it…and then there’s a “make everyone feel awkwardly sorry for you” or “cause greater pain to others who struggle on this day” way of going about it. Think about what you say and don’t make it harder for others. If anything, be there for someone who’s struggling. Don’t contribute to the problem.

5. If you know something will contribute to a bad mood, don’t do it

If you know listening to love songs and watching romance movies will affect you negatively…just don’t do it! At least not for today. Today is good night for a Lord of the Rings marathon, right? (psh! When is it not a good night for a LOTR marathon?!?)

Do things that will take you out of your SAD-itude and into a glad-itude. Start off your day with some pump up music (Oh look! Here’s an empowering playlist for ya! 14 Songs to Blast When You Need to Summon Your Inner Lioness) and get in a good workout session!

6. Remember that social media lies

People only post the best, filtered versions of themselves on social media, so don’t get caught up in the lie that that’s exactly how people are all the time! I think that’s great advice for life in general, but this is especially important when you’re struggling on Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you’ve experienced that moment while watching a romance movie where in the middle of your happiness you suddenly felt sad that you didn’t have that relationship. Well guess what–no one has that kind of relationship! Even that adorable couple you see on Facebook. Behind every 1 photo of flowers are 5 fights. Behind every awkward smooch selfie are several demeaning comments. Behind every #nofilter of your idolized couple are 2 human, imperfect beings. We only get to see the best parts of everyone’s relationships. We don’t see the mess-ups, hard work, and sometimes even grime of them. It’s not like T.V. It’s not picture perfect.

So don’t let the filtered photos frame your fantasized future. It’s not real life. Believing the lie may keep you from having a committed relationship in the future because you and your special person can never live up to the ideal you’ve created based on filtered news feeds and filmed fiction.

7. Remember who YOU are

Use Valentine’s Day as a chance to get to know yourself. Delight in your unique strengths and weaknesses. I might just be a weirdo, but I am obsessed enjoy personality tests. Find out your Love Languages! Find out which Disney princess you’re most like! (or any other of those millions of quizzes we see on FB) Reflect on what you believe and formulate your opinions on certain topics. Read some good personal development books. Find your beauty (inside and out!) and become acquainted with yourself. Know who you are and then remember who you are. Get excited about that! ‘cause you rock!

8. Get out of the replacement mindset

I think it’s great that many women are taking action for self-love and “treat yo self” on Valentine’s Day (woot for Galentine’s Day and Palentine’s Day!). However, this can be a very bad thing if you’re doing it as a substitute to “make up for” your lack of relationship (i.e. the equivalent of burying your sorrows in a gallon of icecream or angrily going at your calloused feet with a foot file). Do it out of a true, genuine mindset of treating yourself. NOT out of contempt, bitterness, or sorrow for your current situation. Instead, feel good! Take care of yourself. We all need those days. So why not celebrate this day of love by loving yourself? True love of yourself must come before you can find true contentment in singleness.

Despite what society tells you, you don’t need anyone. Now don’t take what I’ve said to the extreme. I think, as relational beings, we do need community and relationships, but you don’t need anyone to be able to know yourself, love yourself, and understand your self worth. Learn to value yourself first while you’re in a time of singleness. If you don’t, you won’t truly be ready for a relationship if/when the opportunity arises.

Stop looking at it as a time of lacking but as a season of opportunity. There are so many things you won’t be able to do as easily once you’re in a relationship, so use this time to go and do all those wonderful things. This counts for Valentine’s Day, too! But like I said, don’t do it out of spite or to suppress your feelings; try to get out of that mindset and do it for YOU. Do it because you want to.

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Singleness does not have to be a season of sadness, but a great time of self-discovery, self-care, learning, growing, appreciating other loved ones in your life, and great opportunities.

What helps (or has helped) you during a valentine-less Valentine’s Day?