3 Keys to Reaching Your Goals

Your treadmill has become a clothes line and coat rack. The food processor has been pushed into the deep dark corner of your pantry and your deflated exercise ball mysteriously disappeared in your closet who knows how long ago. Your library card, if you could even find it in your unorganized wallet (or perhaps the junk drawer?), has probably expired. Your empty canvases and only-once-opened box of paints have collected a nice layer of dust so thick you could scoop it up and shape it into a life-sized hamster or two. This is all that remains of goals once decided and declared. These are the Ghosts of New Year Resolutions Past.

Why does goal-reaching come more easily to some? And what is it that makes some goals easier to stick to than others? 

1. Choosing something you truly care about in the first place.

Do you want to lose weight because YOU want to or because you feel like you have to? If it’s the latter, then you’re going to have a really hard time reaching that goal, my friend. But choosing a goal for yourself because you WANT that certain outcome will put your brain at a head start.

Let’s use a few examples. Which sound better to you?

Reflect on this: Are you choosing your goals (or your one word focus) because it’s what you feel you should do or are you choosing out of a genuine desire to grow in that area and reach a certain outcome so much so that you’re WILLING to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get there?

Because, I’m not going to lie, reaching goals can be tough, my friend, because:

• It’s hard to break old habits. We are habitual beings, so it will take work to break out of old habits and get into new habits.
• Growth takes effort and sometimes even getting outside of your comfort zone.
• Immediate gratification (that we love so much!) is often sacrificed (FOR THE BETTER!)

So you must take a hard look at your desired outcome(s) and honestly think about what it will take and what it would mean for you to reach this goal and decide if it’s worth it to you. Is this goal you’re about to set something you truly care about?

2. A different mindset.

Now with all that said about the effort it will take, I want to get you OUT of viewing this goal as a chore or else it will become easier for you to procrastinate. Our brains naturally help us to avoid what it thinks will cause us “pain” or “suffering.” So we need to shift our mindset AWAY from the pain and losses and potential pain and losses TO a focus on the gains, the success, and the hope.

Focus on the gains, not the loss.

Instead of focusing on what putting in the effort to reach this goal will cost you and what you will be losing, focus on what you will be gaining.

Remind yourself of “the other side.”

What’s on the other side of reaching your goal? When you accomplish each of your milestone goals and finally successfully reach your big end goal, what will it look like? What will you feel like? Imagine it in detail. Remind yourself of this to keep yourself motivated. It will help you make the small sacrifices now so you can have that big reward in the future. Remind yourself of “the other side” so you can remember that it’s WORTH IT.

Have a “success and reward mindset” rather than a “chore mindset.”

Don’t let the necessary steps towards reaching your goal become a chore. Remember what I said about how our brains naturally help us to avoid what it thinks will cause us pain, even though sometimes a little discomfort is good for us and can benefit us more greatly in the longrun. So help shift your brain from focusing on how hard it is now in the moment to focusing on each little success in the moment.

If the previous tips don’t continue to motivate you enough, help yourself get through the hard moments by treating each small victory as a success. Sometimes this is a big enough reward in itself, but if you need something more then setup rewards for yourself, no matter how small. For example, “if I do 30 minutes of a cardio workout, then I will let myself read that next chapter of my book” or “if we do a good job meal planning and executing our plan this month, then we can eat out at the end of the month.” It’s good to remind yourself of the gains, but sometimes the gains aren’t all immediately visible or tangible so it can help to occasionally give yourself that reward.

Just make sure your rewards aren’t counterproductive (i.e. 10 cookies for every 10 minutes of exercise). Also, do not punish yourself or you’ll begin to associate your goal steps with discomfort again and fall back into avoidance. Instead, celebrate your wins and you’ll begin to associate your goal steps with the good feeling of success and the positive feeling of reward.

Don’t view “can’t todays” as “never tomorrows.”

It will probably take some fails before you form habits. Just because something is difficult today doesn’t mean it will always be that difficult. Dr. Maxwell Maltz says that it takes at least a minimum of 21 days for a habit to form. So don’t lose heart when you make mistakes. It will get easier, it just takes time. You have to stick with it and persevere through the challenging days before it may become a little easier. And remember: just because you failed today doesn’t mean you will fail tomorrow. Keep trying. Don’t give up. Don’t let yourself think “well I failed so I better try again next year.” Today is a new day, so try again.

Remember that every struggle is a learning experience.

When you’re struggling to accomplish the baby steps towards your goal it can feel like a failure and seem like you’re not making any progress. But the truth is even the “fails” and the struggles can help you grow. Every time you find what doesn’t work for you, you’ve learned and grown (as long as you use this knowledge in the future). You’re one step closer to finding what does work. You’ll know what to avoid next time and save wasted efforts because of this new discovery. You’ll also have learned more about yourself as a person. So remember: even when you “fail” you can use what you’ve learned through your failure to make the appropriate changes that could lead you to success.

3. Knowing yourself.

As we just discussed, failure can help you learn more about yourself and that knowledge of yourself can put you one step closer to success. Now I’d like to share a resource with you that I think will help you learn more about yourself in a way that skips over some of the trial and error.

Gretchen Rubin developed what she calls “The Four Tendencies.” Each tendency has to do with how a person responds to both inner expectations and outer expectations. Here’s a brief summary of what Rubin says about the four tendencies:

• Upholders respond well to both inner and outer expectations. They’re typically good at setting and reaching both their own personal goals and tasks, as well as the expectations that come from outside of themselves. They like expectations to be very clear. They are driven by fulfillment and like to have rules and boundaries. They don’t like letting themselves or others down.
• Questioners meet their inner expectations and question all other expectations. They do only what they believe makes sense to them and matches with their own inner expectations. They’re good at sticking to things that they passionately believe in, but can be almost paralyzed when they don’t have all the facts they need in order to feel motivated to act. They need to know WHY they’re doing what they’re doing.
• Obligers do well at meeting outer expectations, but struggle to meet their own inner expectations. They are motivated by external accountability and don’t like letting people down; however, they have a tough time holding themselves accountable and doing things for themselves. They might be called a “people pleaser.”
• Rebels resist and avoid all expectations–both internal and external. They are motivated by their present desire and always want to do what THEY want to do. They will even often avoid creating any personal expectations for themselves. If they get told to do something, they will likely want to do the opposite. They are motivated by freedom and choice.

Knowing your tendency can help you understand why you’re meeting a certain kind of resistance or why certain things tend to work for you. For example, I used to be more of an Upholder while I was in college. I naturally have a desire to meet both inner and outer expectations and did both fairly well. I knew that organization and list-making was the key to my success and it even helped me become Valedictorian of my class.

However, since graduation I think my tendency has shifted a bit to being more of an Obliger. Because of my health lately it seems to take a lot more energy than it used to to motivate myself to reach my own personal goals, but having external expectations still seems to motivate me quite well because I’m still a people-pleaser (even a bit to a fault sometimes).

Learning this about myself has helped me realize that I need more external accountability if I am to succeed. When I tell myself I’ll do something there’s maybe about a 75% chance I’ll do it (because I feel like I have more wiggle room to change my mind), but if I publicly say I’ll do something I am quite stubborn to “keeping my word” and have more of a 98% chance of following through. So this year I want to state my goals publicly more often and find as many trusted people as I can to help hold me accountable and check in on me. (I talk more on this topic of publicly declaring a goal in this blog post. Though I’d maybe suggest a different option if you’re a rebel).

Click here to find out your tendency. I encourage you to take the test and read Gretchen Rubin’s book (it’s on my reading list for this year!) and test things out to see what works best for you. Don’t mindlessly attack your goals. Be present. Be aware. Reflect at each moment what’s working and what’s not. Learn more about your personality so you can skip some of the trial and error.

Remember:

1. Choose a goal that you truly care about in the first place.
2. Develop and keep a different mindset.
   • Focus on the gains, not the losses.
   • Remind yourself of “the other side” of reaching your big end goal.
   • Keep a “success and reward mindset” rather than a “chore mindset.”
   • Don’t view “can’t todays” as “never tomorrows.”
   • Remember that every struggle is a learning experience.
3. Learn more about yourself

Do these things and I’m sure you’ll have your best year of goal-reaching yet! We can do it!

SIDE NOTE: Did you read my post, How to Choose Your One Word Focus? Have you chosen your focus yet? I hope this post helps you choose the best focus and goals for you this year.

Happy New Year! Now go out there and work towards your goals!