6 Lies You Tell Yourself About Yourself

Have you ever paused to think about the voice in your head? The images, words, and feelings swirling around. The inner voice that tells you to “keep going” or “just give up.” The narrator that runs a constant commentary about your life, as well as anything and everything around you. It processes. It makes decisions. It makes assumptions. It speaks words of truth and words of lies, words that lift up and words that tear down.

If you took a look at the thoughts in your mind, you might be surprised. If we don’t consciously keep our thoughts in check, they can easily default to negativity, discouragement, and misbeliefs. This matters because our emotions are controlled by our thoughts, and our actions are controlled by our emotions. So what you tell yourself in your head matters, even though you are the only one who can hear it.

In this post I want to bring 6 common thoughts to your attention and point out the lies behind them and why it matters.

If you’d prefer to view this content in video form on YouTube, click here.

1. “My flaws make me unworthy and unlovable.”

This is a lie of GUILT AND SHAME.

The guilt of doing something “bad” turns into a shame-filled label. It’s going from the guilt thought of “I failed” to the shame thought of “I AM a failure.” A verb of past-tense action to a verb of being. It makes you believe that it defines you, with a “this then this” implication; “I screwed up, therefore, I am a screw up” or “I have flaws, therefore, I am unworthy and unlovable.”

It may not sound quite so dramatic in your head; it might be more subtle. Telling yourself “I’m stupid” rather than “I made a stupid mistake” or “I’m a bad person” rather than “I did something bad.” The latter may bring a feeling of guilt, whereas the former brings a much deeper shame.

Why does it matter? Well, first of all, who wants to go through life feeling constant guilt and shame? That’s no way to live! But yet we so often exaggerate our guilt and continue to build the very chains of shame that hold us down. If we’ve built these chains with our thoughts, that means the chains can also be broken.

 

2. “What if…?”

This is the lie of FEAR.

What if I mess up? What if everything goes wrong? What if something bad happens? What if they don’t like me? It proposes a hypothetical future scenario and can cause a lot of anxiety.

Why does it matter? Fear can be a good thing when we need the surge of adrenaline to help us be more alert in life-threatening situations; however, nowadays our fear often does not serve us. If our life is not in danger, then fear can be more of a hindrance. These “worries” of potential future outcomes is a waste of energy when things go right and a doubling of our pain when things actually do go wrong.

 

3. “I can’t”

This is a lie called a SELF-LIMITER.

Sometimes this thought can be true, but I’m talking about when you make an assumption about your capabilities before even giving something a try or when you give up too soon.

Why does it matter? You do have natural weaknesses and obstacles, so why add to it? How do you know you can’t do something unless if you try? And in regards to giving up too soon—what if you quit just a moment before success? I’ve seen so many bloggers, for example, give up too soon when they don’t get the amount of views they’d like because they don’t understand that it can take a good 3-5 years before you get good traction and begin to see exponential growth. Good things take time, so give yourself grace and patience, but don’t you dare limit yourself; don’t say “I can’t” before you’ve truly given it your all.

 

4. “People will find out I’m an imposter.”

This is a lie known as IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

It is the self-judgment that you don’t belong and the fear that others will find this out and think you’re a fake—an imposter. Almost everyone experiences this when they start a new job or a project in a new field.

Why does it matter? Imposter syndrome can kill our confidence, hold us back, and sometimes even sabotage our success.

 

5. “I deserve to be criticized.”

This is the lie of NEGATIVITY AND INSULTS.

These are the thoughts where you call yourself names and put yourself down, such as “what an idiot! I’m so stupid”, “wow, I look fat!”, “how could you do this again? You’re horrible!”

Why does it matter? Even the things you say to yourself in joking or as an automatic response without much thought can still take a toll on your self-esteem. You don’t deserve that kind of abuse, not even from yourself.

 

6. “I have to be perfect.”

This is the lie of PERFECTIONISM.

It is deeply connected to guilt and shame. Brené Brown even says, “When perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.” It is holding yourself to certain standards and beating yourself up when you don’t reach those standards. It is a conditional, works-based identity (i.e. “if I can do this right, then I will be good enough”).

Why does it matter? This striving for perfection brings about constant anxiety; missing the mark (in your own perfectionistic mind) leads to feelings of guilt and shame, which can lead to a deep-rooted depression.

---

Which lie do you tell yourself the most? This week, try to pay attention to the thoughts in your head and see if any of them may be one of these six lies. Those who signed up for my free series, 30 Days to Better Self Talk, will get emails this week to dive deeper into these six lies. Sign ups are now closed, but I will be turning this content into an eBook you can buy later on.

If you want to join my mailing list so you can be the first to know when the eBook is released, receive an email when a new blog post is out, and make sure to not miss sign ups for any future free email series, use the box below to subscribe to my main mailing list.

Additional reading:

5 Essentials for Cultivating Kinder Self Talk

Interview with Shelly Beach, author of The Silent Seduction of Self Talk

Overcoming Perfectionism: Advice & Encouragement from 14 Recovering Perfectionists

6 Lies You Tell Yourself About Others